The Sinister Effects of SAD

It can be difficult to see the debilitating effects of the winter blues and seasonal depression when we’re in their grip. Recently a friend helped me realize how hard it can be to make a decision when you’re caught in a winter low point.

Jane put her home on the market last fall. She’s been contemplating a move to the East Coast for several years and was seriously considering joining a new artist community there. Then a few things happened.

Another trip in December to check out the artist community was disappointing and threw the idea of moving into uncertainty. On the way home she broke her foot and is now hauling around a knee-high cast that leaves her exhausted and has strained her back. Always independent and on the go, she’s stuck at home, relying on friends to get her groceries and take her any where. Then she got an offer on the house far below her asking price.

I Can’t Deal With This!

Counter offer? How much? Then what?? Where will I live? Conflicting advice from well-intentioned family and friends who are fearful of – or encouraging – this change made her head spin and provoked deep anxiety.

This very intelligent woman froze in paralysis. She couldn’t see past, “Then what?” and decided to shutdown – take her house off the market – because she couldn’t deal with all the stress.

It Would Be Different in the Spring

If this were spring, with the promise of new life, or summer, when she could sit on her deck, listen to the birds and see abundant life all around, I know she would have reacted much differently. With some confusion and doubt, for sure. Feeling stressed by having to make a decision with an unknown outcome, absolutely.

But I know she wouldn’t have reacted with this level of near-panic, narrow thinking and withdrawal, because I’ve seen her deal with other challenging choices. This was not a typical reaction.

Even though I’m not officially Jane’s “coach,” because she is open-minded we were able to slow things down, get her out of the either-or, all-or-nothing thinking that had locked her down, play with some options and find her inner resources. She relaxed, took some deep breaths and was able to take a reasoned, intelligent next step. She made an appropriate counter offer.

5 Steps to Ease Winter Overwhelm

So what can you take away from this story if you are feeling overwhelmed by decisions that would be easier to make at another time of the year? Here are five  steps you can take with your imagination and a pencil:

• Brainstorm a “What if?” list of as many options as you can think of in 15 minutes. Don’t hold back or judge whether they are possible. Reach for the low-hanging fruit, reach for the stars. Be serious, be wacky, be fun. The idea is to generate as many options as possible to open up space so something can happen. Generate at least 20 options.
• List your internal strengths and resources that enable you to handle this decision. Write at the top of a clean sheet of paper: “I can deal with this because I am/I have:” Don’t stop until you get to 20.
• List your external resources – family, friends, networks and the things that feed your soul, such as music, nature or art.  Again, don’t stop until you hit 20.
• Look at your first list. Pick three options that appeal to you the most. Now write one tiny step you could take tomorrow for each option that would begin to move that idea forward. Which one appeals to you the most? Start there.
• Go back and look at your lists of internal and external resources and pick two from each list you know you can rely on today, right now, to help you move forward. Remind yourself of the last time you used these internal and external resources and how they aided you.

The intent of this exercise is NOT to generate a step-by-step plan, but to get the energy flowing again and create space for something to happen. No one makes good decisions when backed against a wall.

Take your time, ask for support and be gentle with you.

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