Caught in a vicious energy cycle
I know what it feels like to pull myself out of bed every morning, long after the alarm has gone off repeatedly, feeling like I’d drunk a half bottle of wine the night before when I hadn’t had any alcohol at all. I know what it’s like when winter feels like a heavy, wet gray blanket weighing you down and your brain is stuck in a mental fog you can’t shake with any amount of caffeine.
Maybe it’s SAD?
I had to figure out on my own what was weighing me down 10 years ago when I finally made the connection between how miserable I was feeling and the fact that it could be due to the winter blues. There was not as much easily available information on the Internet then, but I found a reference to the one definitive book on SAD, “Winter Blues” by Dr. E. Norman Rosenthal.
When in doubt, find a book
He was the lead researcher of the team at the National Institute of Health that discovered and defined SAD in the early 1980s. I ran out to the bookstore that night and bought the book. The first self-assessment I did indicated I had a “moderate to severe” case of SAD.
All systems off
My best explanation when I tried to explain it to non-SAD sufferers was that I felt like someone had gone through my body and shut off all my energy systems without my knowledge and consent. I didn’t even have enough energy to argue with myself.
And that, in effect, is what Seasonal Affective Disorder does to us. Sunlight triggers regular cycles in our bodies and systems, the circadian rhythms that influence many of our bodily processes. Without enough light to trigger our body clock, we fail to thrive, like a sun-loving plant in the shade.
Desperation purchase
I read, I researched and I bought a light box, online from the manufacturer because local medical supply stores wouldn’t sell me one without a prescription. And I began light therapy treatment, slowly.
It worked. Like magic. My energy came back, the depression lifted, and I started to feel normal again.
It wasn’t as easy the next fall, when I found I needed more time in front of the light box to lift the blues. I was treading water and it scared me. I did more reading and research.
Professional opinion
Because I was self-diagnosed and self-treating, I decided it was a good idea to get a professional opinion and scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist who had advertised in my local paper for people with the winter blues to participate in a clinical study. I didn’t get what I hoped I’d get.
Expert disappointment
To my disappointment, the psychiatrist had only general knowledge of SAD. He specialized in treating geriatric patients and was doing a clinical trial of a popular antidepressant frequently prescribed for SAD.
I realized I probably knew about as much as he did, based on my reading and research. He had a SAD therapy light in his office but had never taken it out of the box because he thought it needed assembly. He didn’t even know SAD lights are always ready to plug in and use. He was well meaning but I wasn’t impressed.
A Backup Plan?
Because I had already started my light therapy program, I wasn’t a candidate for his clinical trial. But I agreed to try the antidepressant for the three weeks it typically takes to work and the side effects to diminish.
I was terrified I would slip under that gray blanket and the idea of a backup plan – the antidepressant – was comforting. He gave me a three-week supply of Wellbutrin, a commonly prescribed antidepressant with fewer side effects. Three weeks is the standard break-in period before you begin to see any effect.
The short story is that I had a low-level pressure headache for the three weeks I took the medication and saw no noticeable change in how I was feeling. At the end of the three weeks we agreed it didn’t work for me and I discontinued the medication.
Without this backup plan, and still unsure of how much I could rely on light therapy, I focused on finding out how my diet might be contributing to the SAD, and began exercising in front of my light box. To my amazement, I felt better than ever.
From Moderate-Severe to Mild
Fast forward to current time. The recent SAD assessment tests I’ve taken rate my SAD at “mild,” a huge improvement from the “moderate to severe” ranking I had in 2000.
What has changed for me?
- I no longer dread fall and winter. Don’t get me wrong — it’s not my favorite time of year, but I’m not panicked any more.
- I love my light box. I shift my eating patterns as the weather changes. I exercise because I know how it works. I’ve done a lot of rethinking about winter.
- I know now how critical it is to manage my energy and concentration. I can tackle cold-weather projects as long as I flow with the energy patterns of my body clock.
- I no longer avoid social activities and I enjoy quiet winter times more.
- I don’t need two alarms and a dawn simulator to awaken me in the morning. I’m no longer so late for work I fear for my job. In fact, I frequently wake up without an alarm between 5:30-6 a.m. — previously unheard of for me.
From suffering to advocacy
Like most SAD sufferers, I suffered alone in silence. As I learned more, I realized that 20 percent of the U.S. population suffers from mild to severe seasonal depression; some estimates place it as high as 25 percent.
The winter blues is something everyone talks about but is infrequently treated. If you add up the lost productivity, the futile attempts at self-treatment, the effects of depression on family and friends and the related health issues, it’s an unrecognized and unaddressed public health issue.
I’m an unapologetic advocate of light therapy. Call it sunshine-in-a-box, light therapy helps eight out of 10 people do it properly. That’s an 80 percent success rate!
Once I became a professional health coach, I knew what I wanted to do:
Help people who struggle through winter easily put together a personalized beat-the-blues plan based on the latest research. My goal is to give you the sense of winter confidence I finally found after I figured out the pieces of the SAD puzzle.
Winter doesn’t have to be so hard.
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Wonderful story, Marsha. And how fitting that in searching for your solution you also have found a way to help others.